Alright, gather 'round, folks. Let me take you on a trip down memory lane to 2021, when Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl first dropped. It was a wild time, a real "hold my soda" moment in gaming. Before MultiVersus came in and showed everyone how it's done on a massive scale, NASB was our scrappy little underdog, a bold attempt to create a Smash-like platform fighter starring our favorite Nickelodeon icons. I mean, who didn't want to see SpongeBob square up against the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? It was chaotic, it was fun, and honestly, the devs seemed to have a pretty long leash... but not long enough for everything.
The Veto Heard 'Round Bikini Bottom
So here's the tea, straight from the source. According to Thaddeus Crews, one of the character designers for NASB, the higher-ups at Nickelodeon dropped the hammer on one of SpongeBob's proposed moves. The move in question? A Dash Strong attack where our beloved porous pal would, get this, charge at his opponents with a pair of scissors. I know, right? It sounds absolutely unhinged, and frankly, kind of awesome in a totally irresponsible way. But Nickelodeon wasn't having it. They straight-up vetoed the idea, fearing it would send the wrong message and basically undo decades of parents and teachers pleading, "For the love of all that is good, DO NOT RUN WITH SCISSORS!" Crews totally understood the logic, calling it a "brand-thing," which is corporate-speak for "we don't want to be sued by every PTA in the country."
A Glimpse Into What Could Have Been
Now, thanks to Thaddeus Crews sharing this little nugget of gaming history, we got to see the concept art for this scrapped move. And let me tell you, it's a thing of beauty. The image above? That's our boy SpongeBob, but he's got this... menacing look in his eyes. That goofy, innocent smile is still there, but it's twisted into something else. It's like he knows he's about to be a terrible role model. It's simultaneously hilarious and terrifying. Part of me is genuinely sad we never got to see this in-game. I mean, come on! The sheer chaos! The absurdity! It's so perfectly on-brand for the weirdness of Bikini Bottom.
Here’s a quick breakdown of the situation:
| Aspect | The Dream (What We Wanted) | The Reality (What We Got) |
|---|---|---|
| SpongeBob's Move | A vicious scissor-stab Dash Attack 😈 | Probably something involving bubbles or a jellyfish net |
| Nickelodeon's Stance | "Let him cook!" 👨🍳 | "Absolutely not, are you crazy?!" 🙅♂️ |
| Potential Aftermath | A generation of kids thinking scissors are melee weapons | A generation of kids (mostly) safe from scissor-related incidents |
Looking Back, It Was Probably for the Best
As much as my inner agent of chaos loves the idea of ScissorBob, you have to admit, Nickelodeon probably made the right call. Can you imagine the headlines? Besides, the game had plenty of other wild moves that didn't involve promoting safety hazards. And hey, it seems this was one of only a "handful of instances" where Nickelodeon stepped in, so the devs clearly had a lot of freedom to get creative elsewhere. It's a funny 'what if' story that gives us a peek behind the curtain of game development. It's not all fun and games; sometimes, you have to answer to the suits who are worried about the brand's image. Oof.
So there you have it. The tale of the scissor attack that never was. A true "you had to be there" moment in the weird and wonderful history of crossover fighting games. It just goes to show that even in the chaotic world of cartoon brawls, someone's gotta be the responsible adult. Even if it means taking the scissors away from a talking sponge.
Comments